1) The exhaust from the bus cloaked it as it pulled up to the school. The door opened and out jumped Jimmy. His excitement rung throughout the school yard.
2) A car horn chases a flock of birds from the cover and safety of the trees. Four green courts that double as basketball and tennis courts stand in the distance. This is where many grew up.
3) He got tunnel vision as he stepped off the bus. Jimmy focused on one thing every time he arrived at school, and today was no different. But today was different in many ways.
4) His alarm clock shook him from his deep sleep. He was 10 minuets late. "NO! Not today! Any day but today!" shouted Jimmy. For today was no other day. Today was the day where he finally stood up to his fears and went for the goal he has been yearning for.
5) He sat impatiently waiting for the doctor to be finished taking his temperature. Jimmy wanted to get to school as soon as possible today. This wasn't the usual mindset of a third grader waiting to go to school, but today was different. Today is when Jimmy finally tries what he has been waiting to do.
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4 comments:
Your original opening is my favorite. You draw the reader in and leave the main question of the story to be slowly unfolded.
The third opener is my favorite. Having read your story, I feel like this one establishes the conflict and plot in a concise way, while still leaving some suspense. It does get slightly confuse, maybe clarify whats the same and what's differne.t
I think the third opener is the best. It gives vivid details of the story. I like the slyness of it.
I likethe last one the best. I am interested in why Jimmy wants to go to school, and it seems like this one gets the reader the most involved.
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